Swot

Swot and Softy. The two words that I remember being associated with me - pre 11 years old.

School work did come easy to me - there's no doubt. From the age of 5-7 I was put on a class table that needed little attention from the teacher - indeed it was out of sight. I would get my work done in no time at all and spend the rest of the period in question acting out these fantastically detailed imaginations where my friend and I were child spaceheroes who had mechanical bird assistants called Quiet Wings.

At the end of Junior School, aged 11 therefore, I remember the teacher taking pains to remind us all that at our next schools we wouldn't be the brightest, the fastest, the best at football. Eyes turned to me - which I thought was unfair - I was terrible at football.

There's no doubt either that I was a softy. I hated conflict (I still do) and the closest I got to a fight was what could only be described as a "face off" with another kid - the stress of the instance shook me up so badly that I had to go home.

I was still confident however. I didn't care about being in this group or that group. I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. The digs that were taken at me ("he's got pidgeon feet", "he's got the wrong bag/coat") were easy to brush off and my relative dearth of friends, every now and then, I don't remember bothering me. It did bother the teachers it seemed - I was shoe-horned into the second eleven football team (a disaster for all concerned) as well as the chess team (ditto). Such tribulations I, more or less, took in my stride - the kids didn't hate me, they didn't much like me in their droves either.

The parents' role is always interesting in the name-calling/labelling debate. "You don't want to be a softy like him" I recall a mother telling her kid, about me. Her son's, at the moment, unemployed and onto his second marriage. She must be so proud.

Trouble

I still think about the first times that I got into trouble - either at school or at home. I wonder why this is? Is it about not wanting to be criticised or is it just about wanting to be good and to do well??

Kids clearly thought of me as someone who didn't tend to get into trouble - because I can remember the startled reactions from when I did. I was told off in assembly once by the fearsome headmistress (I think I was talking when I shouldn't have been) and the joy that this provoked in a certain individual who was always getting ticked off by teachers still rings in my ears. Even though I would dress my naughtiness up (as I do now) with a smile and a dose of charm, I would still get told, every now and then, that I was stepping over the line. Indeed, a school report at the age of 10 warned against the dangers of over-confidence and arrogance. Not knowing what either term meant, my brother happily filled me in - "it means you're a cocky little squirt". I was so upset that I was told that I could rent a video of my choice for the evening. I chose the film "Fame".

I remember being given an enormous telling off for stealing an After Eight Mint. And I remember, most notably, being smacked for upsetting my brother. He was struggling through a piece of music - I think it was a depiction, for piano, of Robin Hood and his Merry Men - and I commented to the room that I thought it interesting that he was still working on this piece after quite some time. Little did I know, that the struggle next door was causing him significant pain and anxiety and my comment pushed him over the edge with the shout - "we can't all be f**king Liberace"! A smack and a slap I got for that.